Undeserved Love

I had an amazing week.  God has been teaching me so much.  But most of all He has been showing me that He loves me.  Sounds simple, but when He shows you in the ways I’ve been shown this week it’s a whole new ball game.  I truly received a revelation of how deep and wide is the love of God.. And what’s crazy is that I’m just scratching the surface. 

I won’t go into all of it but the way that it ended says it all… My best friend here, Jordan Taylor, told me he wanted to go grab McDonalds and drive up the mountain a little to eat it and celebrate my awesome week and the end of his fast while the sunset over the ocean.  When we got to McDonalds he told me he was paying for me, which was obviously a nice start to the night.  Then we got to the spot and hung out for a while which was so good just to hear about his week and catch up.  

After a little while he told me that on Monday morning God had spoken to him during corporate worship and told him to fast for 5 days and pray for me.  He said in the moment he knew it was from God and he started to cry just thinking about it.  I was standing right next to him so he prayed for me right then and blessed my week, and at the time I was so pumped and honored by the blessing he prayed over me that I almost started crying too.  Looking back on that awesome prayer it was nothing compared to what followed the next 5 days.

He spent the next 5 days fasting and waking up at 5am to pray a list of about 10 or 15 different things for me every day.  When he told me that, I was blown away and so honored.  He showed me his prayer list and it was amazing how every measurable prayer was definitely answered… And that’s not all.  He went on to pull out 7 hand-written pages of verses and encouraging words he felt God wanted him to share with me.  When he handed them to me and I read the first line “Nathan James Kirsch- man of God, friend of mine” and felt the weight of the 7 pages in my hands I began to weep (which was one of his prayers for the week, that I would cry when I read the words he had gotten for me).  And I cried all the way through every word, increasing more at certain points that were particularly awesome.  I can honestly say that every word and every verse ministered to my heart.  I have NEVER felt that kind of love from anyone, and have NEVER felt so loved by God.  All I could think the whole time I was reading was two things:  Should I stand up to hug him when I’m done or stay sitting to do it, and, what can I possibly do to repay him for this unbelievable demonstration of love and friendship? 

After I finished reading I cried for about 5 more minutes just soaking in the love I felt so unworthy of and I felt God speaking to me.  I felt like He was saying “Jordan did this because he loves you, and you don’t need to repay him… And in the same way you need to stop trying to repay Me for my love because you don’t need to.  I don't love you because you're worthy of it.  I love you because I am love.  So just love me back, tell me thank you and cry if you need to, but you don’t have to earn it or repay me for anything because I’ll ALWAYS out love you… ALWAYS!”

I am beyond blessed!  I will never forget this night!

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” –Matthew 7:11

First Thing’s First

I’m the type of person that has to be doing something to feel productive.  By the end of college I was starting to get antsy go serve the Lord.  I felt like my time of being equipped needed to be done and I was ready to go do the stuff we had been talking about for 4 years.  So coming off of that and into a DTS where you spend the first half in the classroom was not my ideal situation.  But I’m so glad I’m here because God has been teaching me some stuff about a life of serving Him that makes me realize I wasn’t ready yet.

One of the most common “Christian” ideas that I carry is this idea of being poured into so we can pour out.  The basic idea is that you can’t love people if you don’t first receive love from God and others.  I think this statement is true but I’m realizing the heart behind it isn’t right… We don’t get filled up SO THAT we can go serve and love.  We can love and serve BECAUSE we have been filled.  But the reason we desire to be filled is that we love Him; which is a response to His extravagant love for us.

The FIRST and greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind.  And the SECOND is to love you neighbor as yourself.  The filling picture is a picture of obeying the first commandment only so that we can  better obey the second one. But loving Him is not simply a means to an end.  It's the end goal.  It's His greatest commandment.

In thinking about how backwards my thinking was, I started to realize how badly God wants our hearts.  He's jealous for them.  Not because giving Him our hearts will better equip us to serve Him and love others (though it definitely will).  But because He wants our hearts period. 

I realized how often I read the word of God so that I can know it better to share it with people.  Or I pray so that I can do battle in the spiritual realm on behalf of someone else.  And I’m realizing how little I sit in his presence or read His word or talk to Him or listen to Him motivated by the fact that I want to love on Him because of how worthy He is to be loved.

I realize that Jesus says whatever you did for the least of these you did for Him so our actions for others are in fact one way we can love Him.  But my confession is that loving others has been the main way that I have loved Him to this point in my life.  The other stuff didn't seem productive because it didn't produce a tangible result.  But He’s worthy of so much more than that.  He’s worthy to be told how amazing He is and how thankful we are that we get to love Him.  He’s worthy of our adoration and our awe.  He’s worthy of us slowing our lives down for Him.  He’s worthy of praise and simply being with Him is NEVER a waste of time.

A father loves to see his kids doing good works but he also wants them to stop, relax, and sit on his lap and talk about their day.

It’s because of this revelation that I’m completely ok with being in a place that I talk to and worship my God and King for the majority of the day everyday.  It’s not lazy or unproductive.  It’s obedience.  It’s what He COMMANDS us to do!  How awesome is that?  He’s sooo stinking good!!

“Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.” -Psalm 145:3